Dear Cabinet Doors,

Enough is enough already. Do you realize what time it is now? It's 3 o'clock in the morning, for crying out loud! Why am I *still* up at this ridiculous hour? Because of you, Cabinet Doors...because of you.

You really had me fooled on Thursday. I was revelling in the fact that I had just applied your fourth and (what I thought to be) final coat of red paint. Yes, the final coat! I felt like doing a little victory jig. I've been working on you since March, so it's about time! You haven't been easy on me, you know...even from the beginning. It took me forever just to clean all the invisible grime off you, then I had to sand you, which is quite tricky because of your raised panels - and after that, I had to clean you again. After priming you twice, you actually seemed to enjoy the off-white basecoat I painted on you next. I even thought about leaving you like that - just white. Ooooh, but I knew you'd look great in red!

You fought me every step of the way, though. I know - it's hot and terribly humid. I don't like it either but life goes on. Why make things even more difficult by sticking to every surface I put you on, despite how long I let you "cure" before flipping you over to paint your back?!! I know you're tired of lying down. I'd love to trade places with you now, to tell you the truth. But do you realize that the more you cause problems for me, the longer you're going to have to just sit there on your back side??? Now none of us want that, do we?

I'm really sorry about having to put you in the garage back in May. I just ran out of room to work on you in the house. I don't think it's that bad out there...at least not as bad as you're making it out to be. And again, I'm sorry about The Weather, but that's out of my control. Must you always make it difficult for me to paint you? I really have tried to work as fast as I can in order to get you out of there as soon as possible, but still, you maniacally resist nice, smooth coverage and go ALL TACKY on me instead. Yes, in all fairness, I should be addressing Red Paint or The Weather & Humidity, too. But you know, Doors, I'm just too tired right now.

So after the cleaning, sanding, two coats of primer, basecoat, and FOUR coats of paint that were laboriously applied to both your sides by yours truly, I *thought* I was finally ready to move on to the next step of your transformation. It wasn't until I was walking by you in the garage Friday night that I saw you looking at me funny. After standing a little closer and carefully examining you, I literally *growled* out loud when I discovered that you required one more coat of red paint. No victory jigs for me this time, but I could have sworn I heard you mocking me, singing "Paint Me Baby One More Time". Four coats not sufficient for you, huh? Are you just trying to get back at me for not leaving you white? What's the deal, Cabinet Doors?

Well, I'll tell you what the deal is. I stayed up until crazy o'clock just so I could give you your very last-LAST-(5th!) coat of paint. That's it, Cabinet Doors. No more. The rest of The Cabinets and The Drawers are waiting for you to decide you are done. Why, they were finished weeks ago! Even The Shelves are already installed and restocked! Also, my mother (who lives all the way across the country) is coming to visit on Thursday. Do you really want her to see you like that? all mopey and horizontal and difficult and such? I didn't think so...

So this is the way it's going to be, Doors: When I finally roll my exhausted body out of bed (later on this morning), I'll be painting The Hinges. I've dealt with them before...they're really easy to work with. You should know, you're always hanging around them. Anyway, I'm going to give you the weekend to "cure" :rolleyes: and then on Monday, I'm going to do to you what you've been doing to me for weeks: I'M GOING TO AGE & DISTRESS YOU! MuHahahaaa!!

Sincerely,

Kim